Lusting for Knowledge

Congratulations to Barack Obama, the next President of the United States of America! I won’t attempt to articulate the enormous significance of this event; plenty of others will do it far more eloquently. I will simply say that I cannot recall starting a day with a feeling of such overwhelming elation and optimism since the morning after my wedding…and on that morning, I was still really drunk.

In addition to cheering for the election winner, I’d like to take a moment to welcome back the real John McCain. Senator McCain gave a graceful and heartfelt concession speech last night. I look forward to hearing his candid thoughts now that he’s unshackled from the hacks running his campaign. I’m hopeful that the old maverick will revisit some of his previous declarations, like this one on the religious fringe: “Neither party should be defined by pandering to the outer reaches of American politics and the agents of intolerance.”



On a related note, I sure will miss seeing Sarah Palin in the media everyday. Oh I’m sure she won’t disappear. We’ll occasionally be treated to a spontaneous quote on the diplomatic expertise that comes from geographical proximity. Maybe, if we’re lucky, some pervy kid will catch a Palin nipple slip with his iPhone and post it online. If nothing else, she has reinvigorated a classic icon—the naughty librarian. All over the country, droves of adolescent boys will be fighting for cubicle space and cramming their backpacks full-o-books in an effort to catch a glimpse of the bespectacled moms behind their local checkout counters. In between frantic lusty gawking, sweaty palms, and uncomfortably adjusting their pants, these kids might actually learn something. For that, Governor, I thank you.