Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Top Ten Dumb Political Quotes of 2008
1. "Stand up, Chuck, let 'em see ya." –Joe Biden, to Missouri state Senator Chuck Graham, who is in a wheelchair, Sept. 12, 2008
2. "We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California." –Hillary Clinton, rejecting calls for her to drop out of the Democratic presidential race, citing the 1968 assassination of Robert F. Kennedy as evidence that the lengthy Democratic nominating process was not unprecedented, May 23, 2008
3. "Can I explain to you what happened? First of all it happened during a period after she was in remission from cancer." –former Senator John Edwards, on cheating on his wife, Aug. 8, 2008
4. "I think — I'll have my staff get to you. It's condominiums where — I'll have them get to you." –John McCain after being asked how many houses he and his wife, Cindy, own, Aug. 20, 2008
5. "We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ... We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." –Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in Greensboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008
6. "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." –President George W. Bush, in parting words to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and French President Nicolas Sarkozy at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as the two leaders looked on in shock, July 10, 2008
7. "It's not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations." –Barack Obama, on his troubles winning over some small-town, working-class voters, April 11, 2008
8. "I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base." –Hillary Clinton on visiting Bosnia in 1996, contradicting other accounts that said there was no threat of gunfire. Clinton later said she "misspoke"
9. "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." –Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience in an interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008
10. "Our economy, I think, is still — the fundamentals of our economy are strong." –John McCain, Sept. 15, 2008
2. "We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California." –Hillary Clinton, rejecting calls for her to drop out of the Democratic presidential race, citing the 1968 assassination of Robert F. Kennedy as evidence that the lengthy Democratic nominating process was not unprecedented, May 23, 2008
3. "Can I explain to you what happened? First of all it happened during a period after she was in remission from cancer." –former Senator John Edwards, on cheating on his wife, Aug. 8, 2008
4. "I think — I'll have my staff get to you. It's condominiums where — I'll have them get to you." –John McCain after being asked how many houses he and his wife, Cindy, own, Aug. 20, 2008
5. "We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ... We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." –Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in Greensboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008
6. "Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter." –President George W. Bush, in parting words to British Prime Minister Gordon Brown and French President Nicolas Sarkozy at his final G-8 Summit, punching the air and grinning widely as the two leaders looked on in shock, July 10, 2008
7. "It's not surprising, then, they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations." –Barack Obama, on his troubles winning over some small-town, working-class voters, April 11, 2008
8. "I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base." –Hillary Clinton on visiting Bosnia in 1996, contradicting other accounts that said there was no threat of gunfire. Clinton later said she "misspoke"
9. "As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." –Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience in an interview with Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008
10. "Our economy, I think, is still — the fundamentals of our economy are strong." –John McCain, Sept. 15, 2008
More Soldiers for the Lord
Totally Shocking News: No matter what they promise Jesus, teens still end up fucking each other!
Virginity Pledges Fail to Trump Teen Lust
By Nicole Ostrow and Tom Randall
Dec. 29 (Bloomberg) -- Teenagers who pledged to avoid sex until marriage were as likely to have intercourse as other U.S. adolescents, according to a survey of conduct mostly in 1990s.
Teens who took the pledge also were less likely to use birth control pills or condoms than those making no promise, according to the research in the January issue of Pediatrics. The results show that teens need information on safe sex and pregnancy prevention even if they vow to refrain, a study author said.
The pledges, made orally or in writing, are viewed by advocates as buttressing federally funded education programs that say avoiding pre-marital sex rather than using protection will curb pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. President George W. Bush’s administration more than doubled the budget for abstinence-only education programs since 1999 to $204 million this fiscal year. More than a dozen states have rejected federal money rather than limit what is taught.
“The results suggest that the virginity pledge does not change sexual behavior,” wrote author Janet Rosenbaum, a postdoctoral fellow in the department of population, family and reproductive health at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore. “Clinicians should provide birth control information to all adolescents, especially abstinence-only sex education participants.”
Virginity Pledges Fail to Trump Teen Lust
By Nicole Ostrow and Tom Randall
Dec. 29 (Bloomberg) -- Teenagers who pledged to avoid sex until marriage were as likely to have intercourse as other U.S. adolescents, according to a survey of conduct mostly in 1990s.
Teens who took the pledge also were less likely to use birth control pills or condoms than those making no promise, according to the research in the January issue of Pediatrics. The results show that teens need information on safe sex and pregnancy prevention even if they vow to refrain, a study author said.
The pledges, made orally or in writing, are viewed by advocates as buttressing federally funded education programs that say avoiding pre-marital sex rather than using protection will curb pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. President George W. Bush’s administration more than doubled the budget for abstinence-only education programs since 1999 to $204 million this fiscal year. More than a dozen states have rejected federal money rather than limit what is taught.
“The results suggest that the virginity pledge does not change sexual behavior,” wrote author Janet Rosenbaum, a postdoctoral fellow in the department of population, family and reproductive health at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore. “Clinicians should provide birth control information to all adolescents, especially abstinence-only sex education participants.”
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Typo In Prop 8
From the good folks at The Onion:
Typo In Proposition 8 Defines Marriage As Between 'One Man And One Wolfman'
SACRAMENTO, CA—Activists on both sides of the gay marriage debate were shocked this November, when a typographical error in California's Proposition 8 changed the state constitution to restrict marriage to a union between "one man and one wolfman," instantly nullifying every marriage except those comprised of an adult male and his lycanthrope partner. "The people of California made their voices heard today, and reaffirmed our age-old belief that the only union sanctioned in God's eyes is the union between a man and another man possessed by an ungodly lupine curse," state Sen. Tim McClintock said at a hastily organized rally celebrating passage of the new law. But opponents, including Bakersfield resident Patricia Millard—who is now legally banned from marrying her boyfriend, a human, non-wolfman male—claim it infringes on their civil liberties. "I love James just as much as a wolfman loves his husband," Millard said. "We deserve the same rights as any horrifying mythical abomination." On the heels of the historic typo, voters in Utah passed a similar referendum a week later, defining marriage as between one man and 23 wolfmen.
Typo In Proposition 8 Defines Marriage As Between 'One Man And One Wolfman'
SACRAMENTO, CA—Activists on both sides of the gay marriage debate were shocked this November, when a typographical error in California's Proposition 8 changed the state constitution to restrict marriage to a union between "one man and one wolfman," instantly nullifying every marriage except those comprised of an adult male and his lycanthrope partner. "The people of California made their voices heard today, and reaffirmed our age-old belief that the only union sanctioned in God's eyes is the union between a man and another man possessed by an ungodly lupine curse," state Sen. Tim McClintock said at a hastily organized rally celebrating passage of the new law. But opponents, including Bakersfield resident Patricia Millard—who is now legally banned from marrying her boyfriend, a human, non-wolfman male—claim it infringes on their civil liberties. "I love James just as much as a wolfman loves his husband," Millard said. "We deserve the same rights as any horrifying mythical abomination." On the heels of the historic typo, voters in Utah passed a similar referendum a week later, defining marriage as between one man and 23 wolfmen.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Worst Predictions About 2008
1. "A very powerful and durable rally is in the works. But it may need another couple of days to lift off. Hold the fort and keep the faith!" —Richard Band, editor, Profitable Investing Letter, Mar. 27, 2008
2. AIG "could have huge gains in the second quarter." —Bijan Moazami, analyst, Friedman, Billings, Ramsey, May 9, 2008
3. "I think this is a case where Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae are fundamentally sound. They're not in danger of going under…I think they are in good shape going forward." —Barney Frank (D-Mass.), House Financial Services Committee chairman, July 14, 2008
4. "The market is in the process of correcting itself." —President George W. Bush, in a Mar. 14, 2008 speech
5. "No! No! No! Bear Stearns is not in trouble." —Jim Cramer, CNBC commentator, Mar. 11, 2008
6. "Existing-Home Sales to Trend Up in 2008" —Headline of a National Association of Realtors press release, Dec. 9, 2007
7. "I think you'll see [oil prices at] $150 a barrel by the end of the year" —T. Boone Pickens, June 20, 2008
8. "I expect there will be some failures…I don't anticipate any serious problems of that sort among the large internationally active banks that make up a very substantial part of our banking system." —Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve chairman, Feb. 28, 2008
9. "In today's regulatory environment, it's virtually impossible to violate rules." —Bernard Madoff, money manager, Oct. 20, 2007
10. A Bound Man: Why We Are Excited About Obama and Why He Can't Win, the title of a book by conservative commentator Shelby Steele, published on Dec. 4, 2007.
(From Business Week Online - Worst Predictions About 2008)
2. AIG "could have huge gains in the second quarter." —Bijan Moazami, analyst, Friedman, Billings, Ramsey, May 9, 2008
3. "I think this is a case where Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae are fundamentally sound. They're not in danger of going under…I think they are in good shape going forward." —Barney Frank (D-Mass.), House Financial Services Committee chairman, July 14, 2008
4. "The market is in the process of correcting itself." —President George W. Bush, in a Mar. 14, 2008 speech
5. "No! No! No! Bear Stearns is not in trouble." —Jim Cramer, CNBC commentator, Mar. 11, 2008
6. "Existing-Home Sales to Trend Up in 2008" —Headline of a National Association of Realtors press release, Dec. 9, 2007
7. "I think you'll see [oil prices at] $150 a barrel by the end of the year" —T. Boone Pickens, June 20, 2008
8. "I expect there will be some failures…I don't anticipate any serious problems of that sort among the large internationally active banks that make up a very substantial part of our banking system." —Ben Bernanke, Federal Reserve chairman, Feb. 28, 2008
9. "In today's regulatory environment, it's virtually impossible to violate rules." —Bernard Madoff, money manager, Oct. 20, 2007
10. A Bound Man: Why We Are Excited About Obama and Why He Can't Win, the title of a book by conservative commentator Shelby Steele, published on Dec. 4, 2007.
(From Business Week Online - Worst Predictions About 2008)
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Animal Atrocities
It’s been a tough year for the United States. But when we step back for a moment and take a quick look around the globe, it’s abundantly clear that Americans are still livin’ well, quite well. So, as a subtle reminder of this fact, I’ve decided to post the best in pictures 2008—war and violent conflict. But since I don’t want to be a total ‘Debbie Downer,’ I’m taking a cue from the major media outlets and interspersing photos of cute critters doing wacky things. (Photos from Telegraph.co.uk) Enjoy…
Surf's up!
Georgia
Burberry bunny
India
This kitty loves his mouse
Bolivia
True love = Sloppy kisses
West Bank
Pug in disguise
Iraq
I want a pony for Christmas- a mini pony!
Congo
Surf's up!
Georgia
Burberry bunny
India
This kitty loves his mouse
Bolivia
True love = Sloppy kisses
West Bank
Pug in disguise
Iraq
I want a pony for Christmas- a mini pony!
Friday, December 19, 2008
Grandma’s Homemade Methamphetamine Stew
"You know, from the inside, no family ever seems typical, and that's how it is with us. Our family has the same ups and downs as any other, the same challenges and the same joys."
-Alaska Governor Sarah Palin
From the Anchorage Daily News:
WASILLA -- A 42-year-old Wasilla woman was arrested Thursday at her home by Alaska State Troopers with a search warrant in an undercover drug investigation. Sherry L. Johnston was charged with six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance.
Johnston is the mother of Levi Johnston, the Wasilla 18-year-old who received international attention in September when Gov. Sarah Palin and her husband, Todd, announced their teenage daughter was pregnant and he was the father. Bristol Palin, 18, is due on Saturday, according to a recent interview with the governor's father, Chuck Heath.
Troopers served the warrant at Johnston's home at the "conclusion of an undercover narcotics investigation," said a statement issued Thursday by the troopers as part of the normal daily summary of activity around the state.
Troopers charged Johnston with second-degree misconduct involving a controlled substance -- generally manufacturing or delivering drugs -- as well as fourth-degree misconduct involving controlled substances, or possession.
Full Story Here
-Alaska Governor Sarah Palin
From the Anchorage Daily News:
WASILLA -- A 42-year-old Wasilla woman was arrested Thursday at her home by Alaska State Troopers with a search warrant in an undercover drug investigation. Sherry L. Johnston was charged with six felony counts of misconduct involving a controlled substance.
Johnston is the mother of Levi Johnston, the Wasilla 18-year-old who received international attention in September when Gov. Sarah Palin and her husband, Todd, announced their teenage daughter was pregnant and he was the father. Bristol Palin, 18, is due on Saturday, according to a recent interview with the governor's father, Chuck Heath.
Troopers served the warrant at Johnston's home at the "conclusion of an undercover narcotics investigation," said a statement issued Thursday by the troopers as part of the normal daily summary of activity around the state.
Troopers charged Johnston with second-degree misconduct involving a controlled substance -- generally manufacturing or delivering drugs -- as well as fourth-degree misconduct involving controlled substances, or possession.
Full Story Here
Thursday, December 18, 2008
"Boundless Love" from Client-9
Ah, it’s almost Christmas. How do I know this? My mailman keeps asking me for aspirin…he also wants to know why all my magazines come wrapped in black plastic, but that’s another story. Poor guy’s back is killing him because he’s lugging around a sack full of tacky holiday photo cards. We all get these. Many of us send them. Pretty standard themes:
-The matching sweater family
-Dogs in Santa hats
-We’re on vacation!
-Aren’t our children are adorable?
-Cats, cats, cats
-Reminder—I’m engaged or just got married
-The star means we’re Jewish
-Kids and animals do the CRAZIEST things
-Celebrate Kwanzaa (from the black guy who grew up in the suburbs)
-Sad solo dude and his expensive car
You get the picture; kitsch ad nauseum. But there’s always one card that sends a chill up the spine. Makes you shove it back in the envelope and run upstairs to take a shower. Cause we’ve all got at least one friend who was really really creepy back in the day. I’m not talking about the douche bag who used to pat an occasional waitress on the ass. The picture of him and his Corvette make for a fine holiday greeting. I’m talking about the guy who you found hungover one morning, naked and crying in a Vegas hotel bathroom scrubbing his penis frantically in the sink after having had unprotected sex with a stripper in a Denny’s restroom. Yeah, we all know him.
And seeing this guy on a Christmas card, no matter how elegant his wife looks, or how endearing his kids are, or how many Labradoodles in Santa hats are licking his face in the photo, just reminds you of the all the impromptu cock-washings you’ve witnessed over the years.
But you know, tis the season. Got to let bygones be bygones. So for you, really creepy friend, I found a card that might even make you feel like a pretty decent person. Happy holidays…
-The matching sweater family
-Dogs in Santa hats
-We’re on vacation!
-Aren’t our children are adorable?
-Cats, cats, cats
-Reminder—I’m engaged or just got married
-The star means we’re Jewish
-Kids and animals do the CRAZIEST things
-Celebrate Kwanzaa (from the black guy who grew up in the suburbs)
-Sad solo dude and his expensive car
You get the picture; kitsch ad nauseum. But there’s always one card that sends a chill up the spine. Makes you shove it back in the envelope and run upstairs to take a shower. Cause we’ve all got at least one friend who was really really creepy back in the day. I’m not talking about the douche bag who used to pat an occasional waitress on the ass. The picture of him and his Corvette make for a fine holiday greeting. I’m talking about the guy who you found hungover one morning, naked and crying in a Vegas hotel bathroom scrubbing his penis frantically in the sink after having had unprotected sex with a stripper in a Denny’s restroom. Yeah, we all know him.
And seeing this guy on a Christmas card, no matter how elegant his wife looks, or how endearing his kids are, or how many Labradoodles in Santa hats are licking his face in the photo, just reminds you of the all the impromptu cock-washings you’ve witnessed over the years.
But you know, tis the season. Got to let bygones be bygones. So for you, really creepy friend, I found a card that might even make you feel like a pretty decent person. Happy holidays…
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Forgotten Heroes of Airport Bathroom Sex
This week a Minnesota appeals court rejected Senator Larry Craig’s motion to withdraw his guilty plea in the now infamous airport restroom sex sting case. For most Americans, Craig, and his inappropriately tapping feet, became nothing more than a punchline. But to the growing number of us who enjoy performing sex acts with faceless strangers in airline terminal bathroom stalls, Larry Craig is an icon.
The following video, from 23/6, examines some of the lesser known warriors in the battle to legitimize anonymous airport sex:
The following video, from 23/6, examines some of the lesser known warriors in the battle to legitimize anonymous airport sex:
King Barack of Nigeria
“David has become sort of like a boyfriend I broke up with who keeps trying to be friends. He keeps writing. And writing.”
-Mimi Swartz, in Yes, We Spam!, referring to the repeated post-election email solicitations from David Plouffe, Barack Obama’s campaign manager
I gotta say, though I’m a big fan of the President-elect and his crew, the constant stream of fundraising spam is becoming annoying. Worse, the pitches are really getting ridiculous. I received this one today:
My dear Friend,
This is to bring you notice that I, David Plouffe, Chief Barrister Attorney to an ex-King of Nigeria, have the honor with upmost good faith do appeal to you to sincerely to render me an assistance by way of supporting me to bring over to your country the sum of United States Dollars, Six Million two hundred thousand United States Dollars (US$6.2M).
I am representing with trusted belief and goodwill, the former deposed King of Nigeria, Barack Hussein Obama. As loyal steadfast to King Barack Hussein Obama, I, David Plouffe, Esquire, ask you as a person with familiar the particulars of business to take possession of said moneys before transfer return to King Barack Hussein Obama in exile in The city of District of Columbia, United States.
The volume of money is presently available in cash and deposited with Global Security Company. South Africa with deposit Certificate Number CXB90. This was part of the money that Nigerian Ex-Head of State, Barack Hussein Obama, concealed in the private personal warehouse before set up by military junta due to involvement in pro-Democracy activities as he wants civil rule in Nigeria as is a popular demand of the citizens.
Finally, I have discussed with King Barack Hussein Obama and have decided to offer you 20% of the sum for your noblest assistance because the money would be released to you in my presence on arrival to the country we choose. Also you will receive in good health a precious souvenir (picture beneath):
So let me have your immediate response towards actualization of this objective through Tel/Fax 234-1-7654321.
Fondest and Excellent Regards,
David Plouffe, in representation of His Majesty King Barack Hussein Obama
-Mimi Swartz, in Yes, We Spam!, referring to the repeated post-election email solicitations from David Plouffe, Barack Obama’s campaign manager
I gotta say, though I’m a big fan of the President-elect and his crew, the constant stream of fundraising spam is becoming annoying. Worse, the pitches are really getting ridiculous. I received this one today:
My dear Friend,
This is to bring you notice that I, David Plouffe, Chief Barrister Attorney to an ex-King of Nigeria, have the honor with upmost good faith do appeal to you to sincerely to render me an assistance by way of supporting me to bring over to your country the sum of United States Dollars, Six Million two hundred thousand United States Dollars (US$6.2M).
I am representing with trusted belief and goodwill, the former deposed King of Nigeria, Barack Hussein Obama. As loyal steadfast to King Barack Hussein Obama, I, David Plouffe, Esquire, ask you as a person with familiar the particulars of business to take possession of said moneys before transfer return to King Barack Hussein Obama in exile in The city of District of Columbia, United States.
The volume of money is presently available in cash and deposited with Global Security Company. South Africa with deposit Certificate Number CXB90. This was part of the money that Nigerian Ex-Head of State, Barack Hussein Obama, concealed in the private personal warehouse before set up by military junta due to involvement in pro-Democracy activities as he wants civil rule in Nigeria as is a popular demand of the citizens.
Finally, I have discussed with King Barack Hussein Obama and have decided to offer you 20% of the sum for your noblest assistance because the money would be released to you in my presence on arrival to the country we choose. Also you will receive in good health a precious souvenir (picture beneath):
So let me have your immediate response towards actualization of this objective through Tel/Fax 234-1-7654321.Fondest and Excellent Regards,
David Plouffe, in representation of His Majesty King Barack Hussein Obama
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Bait and Switch
I did a double-take (or more accurately a double-read) today after stumbling upon neoconservative columnist (National Review Online) Mona Charen’s The Good Obama Can Do. I couldn’t quite nail it, but I immediately knew something was off in this article, which ostensibly touts the potential positive impact from Michelle and Barack Obama “modeling good parenting” in the White House. On second glance though, Charen’s true motive popped out at me like a priest in the schoolyard with pockets full-o-lollipops.
It’s yet another defense of so-called traditional marriage. But this one is far more sinister. Charen goes out of her way not to include the standard giveaway phrases: traditional marriage, same-sex couple(s), any Biblical text, San Francisco-values, Prop 8, Ellen, etc. Instead, she simply bashes every family who does not fit into her arbitrary mold—a married man and a woman who are “college-educated,” and “upper middle and upper class,” did not have a child out of wedlock, and have never been divorced.
Apparently, anything else “plays havoc with children’s security.” My personal favorite, of Charen’s many vague and melodramatic statements is: “Stepfamilies, as medieval fables suggested, are not as safe or secure for children as the nuclear family of two married parents.” Cinderella aside, most of her quotes are decidedly less amusing. Charen’s third paragraph is palpably creepy:
More than one-third of American children are born out of wedlock (two-thirds for black kids)...They have higher rates of school failure, drug use, depression, teen pregnancy, trouble with the law, violence, and poor health...poor women are having more and more children without husbands and they are also divorcing at much higher rates.
And then, after cataloging the supposed problems that stem from raising children outside a traditional marriage, she proposes that the child dependant tax credit be increased “limited to married parents.”
So, Mona, let me get this straight, according to you, the people that need the most help raising well-adjusted children will get nothing while married couples will receive more cash simply for procreating? Here is how I would summarize your views: If you are single, divorced, homosexual, or in particular a poor minority, the government should enact policy to discourage you from raising a child.
It’s a good thing that Barack Obama’s grandmother wasn’t a fan of your column.
It’s yet another defense of so-called traditional marriage. But this one is far more sinister. Charen goes out of her way not to include the standard giveaway phrases: traditional marriage, same-sex couple(s), any Biblical text, San Francisco-values, Prop 8, Ellen, etc. Instead, she simply bashes every family who does not fit into her arbitrary mold—a married man and a woman who are “college-educated,” and “upper middle and upper class,” did not have a child out of wedlock, and have never been divorced.
Apparently, anything else “plays havoc with children’s security.” My personal favorite, of Charen’s many vague and melodramatic statements is: “Stepfamilies, as medieval fables suggested, are not as safe or secure for children as the nuclear family of two married parents.” Cinderella aside, most of her quotes are decidedly less amusing. Charen’s third paragraph is palpably creepy:
More than one-third of American children are born out of wedlock (two-thirds for black kids)...They have higher rates of school failure, drug use, depression, teen pregnancy, trouble with the law, violence, and poor health...poor women are having more and more children without husbands and they are also divorcing at much higher rates.
And then, after cataloging the supposed problems that stem from raising children outside a traditional marriage, she proposes that the child dependant tax credit be increased “limited to married parents.”
So, Mona, let me get this straight, according to you, the people that need the most help raising well-adjusted children will get nothing while married couples will receive more cash simply for procreating? Here is how I would summarize your views: If you are single, divorced, homosexual, or in particular a poor minority, the government should enact policy to discourage you from raising a child.
It’s a good thing that Barack Obama’s grandmother wasn’t a fan of your column.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Tough Day for the Religious Right
1) John McCain said that he wouldn’t necessarily support Sarah Palin if she chose to run for President – “I can't say something like that. We've got some great other young governors…Have no doubt of my admiration and respect for her and my view of her viability, but at this stage, again…my corpse is still warm, you know?”
2) Colin Powell said that Palin polarized the GOP.
3) Barack Obama's Presidential Inaugural Committee has chosen the Lesbian and Gay Band Association to march in the inaugural parade in Washington on Jan. 20.
4) And as it turns out, President Bush got sole...
2) Colin Powell said that Palin polarized the GOP.
3) Barack Obama's Presidential Inaugural Committee has chosen the Lesbian and Gay Band Association to march in the inaugural parade in Washington on Jan. 20.
4) And as it turns out, President Bush got sole...
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Sexual Jihadists
The following is a reprint of an email I received this morning from HRC. It’s worth a quick read. Incidentally, when I sit on Santa’s lap at the mall next week, I’m going to ask him for boxer-briefs embossed with “Sexual Jihadist” across the crotch. I hope this doesn’t make the other children uncomfortable.
"...there is a real, unbroken line between the jihadist savagery in Mumbai and the hedonistic, irresponsible, blindly selfish goals and tactics of our homegrown sexual jihadists."
I am not kidding. This is a new low in anti-gay rhetoric.
Boone and his buddies continue to stir up fear, even if they have to lie. It's exactly how they passed the California marriage ban.
We need your help to stop the radical right from painting a movement about love and dignity as violent and radical. We need your support to stay strong, smart, and nimble, to combat these growing attacks with the simple truth: all we want is equality.
Make a donation to HRC on behalf of Pat Boone. Your gift helps HRC combat these lies – and sends the message that our call for equality cannot be silenced.
We'll even send Mr. Boone a note with your first name and gift amount to let him know you've donated in his name.
"...there is a real, unbroken line between the jihadist savagery in Mumbai and the hedonistic, irresponsible, blindly selfish goals and tactics of our homegrown sexual jihadists."- Pat Boone, December 6, 2008
Country singer and right-wing pundit Pat Boone has written a column equating the movement against Prop. 8 to the terrorists who tortured and murdered hundreds in Mumbai.
Country singer and right-wing pundit Pat Boone has written a column equating the movement against Prop. 8 to the terrorists who tortured and murdered hundreds in Mumbai.
I am not kidding. This is a new low in anti-gay rhetoric.
Boone and his buddies continue to stir up fear, even if they have to lie. It's exactly how they passed the California marriage ban.
We need your help to stop the radical right from painting a movement about love and dignity as violent and radical. We need your support to stay strong, smart, and nimble, to combat these growing attacks with the simple truth: all we want is equality.
Make a donation to HRC on behalf of Pat Boone. Your gift helps HRC combat these lies – and sends the message that our call for equality cannot be silenced.
We'll even send Mr. Boone a note with your first name and gift amount to let him know you've donated in his name.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Private Context
Senator Russ Feingold sent President-elect Obama a letter today urging him to act on recent recommendations made by the Senate Judiciary Constitutional Subcommittee (full article here - Feingold Urges Obama to Reverse Bush Measures). The subcommittee, which Feingold chaired, heard testimony from forty prominent academics, policy makers, and advocacy group representatives, including John Podesta, the head of Obama’s transition team. Collectively, they endorsed a reversal of most of the policies enacted by the Bush administration since 9/11. Particularly noteworthy is their recommendation to make significant changes to the Patriot Act and the FISA Amendments Act.
My guess is that even the mighty Barack-star won’t risk looking soft on national security issues early in his first term, especially after his bumbling sidekick Biden said there will be an “international…generated crisis” inside of six months. Sure Obama will make a big show of enacting some of the safe recommendations, like closing the Guantanamo prison and establishing a government-wide standard of humane detainee treatment. But I’m feeling pretty confident that government agencies will still be able to monitor our wireless activity without a warrant well into Barack’s second term. Frankly, knowing that some entry-level federal techie will be scrutinizing my communications may actually encourage me to increase the amount of picture messages of my scrotum that I send my buddies during their interoffice meetings.
Maybe it’s ok that the government is secretly reading all our text messages? After all, sometimes it’s the people closest to us that we’re really worried about…
My guess is that even the mighty Barack-star won’t risk looking soft on national security issues early in his first term, especially after his bumbling sidekick Biden said there will be an “international…generated crisis” inside of six months. Sure Obama will make a big show of enacting some of the safe recommendations, like closing the Guantanamo prison and establishing a government-wide standard of humane detainee treatment. But I’m feeling pretty confident that government agencies will still be able to monitor our wireless activity without a warrant well into Barack’s second term. Frankly, knowing that some entry-level federal techie will be scrutinizing my communications may actually encourage me to increase the amount of picture messages of my scrotum that I send my buddies during their interoffice meetings.
Maybe it’s ok that the government is secretly reading all our text messages? After all, sometimes it’s the people closest to us that we’re really worried about…
Friday, December 5, 2008
Formatted for A-Dub
Apparently, my good friend Andrew can’t get all the way through my longwinded blog posts. So today, instead of my usual extended single post, I am simply going to list several potential post titles with respective synopses. I have enabled anonymous commenting in case you’d like to submit your own prospective topic, or perhaps something else Andrew will read, like a haiku.
Putin on the Ritz
A musical complete with a singing one-armed Ukrainian prostitute, Georgian Siamese-twin wrestlers, and a chorus line of Chechen Islamic Extremists.
Tommy J. – Foundin' Hustla
Historical science fiction. Thomas Jefferson is transported through time to modern day Washington D.C. where he immediately tries to “purchase” every black woman he sees. Hilarity ensures…until, in the ultimate irony, he is stabbed by a pimp on the footsteps of his own Memorial.
Toss My Salad
A television pitch: weekly reality show pairing American street prostitutes with classically trained French chefs to prepare full formal dinner service for D-list celebrities.
Heart of Darkness: The Bachelor Party of Clark Flobosco
Nonfiction; a weekend trip to Vegas goes horribly awry. A disturbing and sad tale. Names have been changed to preserve anonymity.
Top Ten Suffocated Gerbil Political Metaphors
Self explanatory.
Penis Non Grata
My life as a straight white Anglo-Saxon Protestant male in 200 words or less.
Putin on the Ritz
A musical complete with a singing one-armed Ukrainian prostitute, Georgian Siamese-twin wrestlers, and a chorus line of Chechen Islamic Extremists.
Tommy J. – Foundin' Hustla
Historical science fiction. Thomas Jefferson is transported through time to modern day Washington D.C. where he immediately tries to “purchase” every black woman he sees. Hilarity ensures…until, in the ultimate irony, he is stabbed by a pimp on the footsteps of his own Memorial.
Toss My Salad
A television pitch: weekly reality show pairing American street prostitutes with classically trained French chefs to prepare full formal dinner service for D-list celebrities.
Heart of Darkness: The Bachelor Party of Clark Flobosco
Nonfiction; a weekend trip to Vegas goes horribly awry. A disturbing and sad tale. Names have been changed to preserve anonymity.
Top Ten Suffocated Gerbil Political Metaphors
Self explanatory.
Penis Non Grata
My life as a straight white Anglo-Saxon Protestant male in 200 words or less.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Noah's Arc
BOULDER, Colo. — When Donna Campiglia learned recently that a genetic test might be able to determine which sports suit the talents of her 2 ½-year-old son, Noah, she instantly said, Where can I get it and how much does it cost?
“I could see how some people might think the test would pigeonhole your child into doing fewer sports or being exposed to fewer things, but I still think it’s good to match them with the right activity,” Ms. Campiglia, 36, said as she watched a toddler class at Boulder Indoor Soccer in which Noah struggled to take direction from the coach between juice and potty breaks.
“I think it would prevent a lot of parental frustration,” she said.
-From the New York Times article, Born to Run?
Noah’s Arc – A Play in One Act
SCENE: LIGHTS COME UP on DONNA CAMPIGLIA, 36, and
NOAH CAMPIGLIA, 2 ½, on opposite ends of a orange leather
couch in the Denver Broncos-memorabilia laden office of
DOCTOR BROOKS T. WALKER, 42, sports psychologist.
DONNA leans forward, elbows on knees, anxiously rubbing her
temples with her respective index fingers. NOAH leans back, the
plush cushions almost absorbing his small frame. DOCTOR
WALKER alternatively nods thoughtfully and squeezes his
Broncos stress ball.
DONNA
You see, Doctor, this is exactly the problem; he doesn’t acknowledge the magnitude of the choices we’re making right now. Look at him just sitting there. You think Ronaldo or David Beckham just sat around watching Thomas the Tank Engine all day? I mean, I bring the whistle and the cones to the park everyday, rain or shine. Prajeet, at GNC, got us all the top-of-the-line child supplements. And Noah’s agent Shayla, is about to ink a Juicy Juice endorsement. But he just wants to sit on my lap all day like an invalid.
DOCTOR WALKER
I see, Donna. So you’re saying that you’re angry?
DONNA
Yes. I am very, very angry.
NOAH
Mommy, where Max?
DONNA
(Glaring at Noah) Maximus is not here, Noah! (Turning back to Doctor Walker) He’s talking about the dog. The fucking dog. It’s like, Noah’s here, but not really here. You know?
DOCTOR WALKER
Donna, I want you to tell Noah how it makes you feel when he doesn’t take his tremendous ability seriously.
DONNA
(Standing up, smoothing out her tracksuit bottoms with both hands, and looking down on Noah) Noah-
NOAH
Max in bic-yard?
DONNA
The damn dog is at home! We are at the therapist’s office! (She collapses back onto the couch) God! Why do I bother?
DOCTOR WALKER
Now, Donna, let’s stay on track here. Tell Noah how his selfishness makes you feel.
DONNA
(She takes a prolonged deep breath) Noah, honeybear, when Mommy gets up at five in the morning—before Pilates—and chalks the grass at Warren G. Harding Elementary, and then you just want to put woodchips in your mouth, it makes her really really upset.
DOCTOR WALKER
Donna, that’s good, but tell Noah about the physical manifestation of the feelings his cowardice brings up in you.
NOAH
Mommy, I have go pee-pee. I have-
DONNA
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Noah, Mommy’s about to have a breakthrough.
NOAH
Mommy? Pee-pee! (Noah’s expression abruptly turns sad)
DOCTOR WALKER
Now we’re getting somewhere. Go Donna. Run with it!
DONNA
Noah- (She begins to choke up) Honeybear, you…you have such a gift-
NOAH
Pee-pee!
DOCTOR WALKER
Noah, come on, pal. (Dropping the stress ball and raising his palm to Noah) Pull it together. We’re really making progress.
DONNA
(Through tears) When you squander your talent...it makes me burn…burn inside…want to burn to feel…want to press the hot curling iron onto my leg until I can smell the charred flesh. (She breaks down, sobbing into her hands)
DOCTOR WALKER
That’s it! Let it all out, Donna.
NOAH
Pee-pee!!!
DONNA
(Turning her entire body to Noah) You’re not my father! (Her lower lip quivers) I love you, honeybear.
DOCTOR WALKER
Yes!
NOAH
Mommy?!? (Looking down to his lap)
DONNA
(She leans forward to hug him, but retreats abruptly) Ew.
LIGHTS GO DOWN
“I could see how some people might think the test would pigeonhole your child into doing fewer sports or being exposed to fewer things, but I still think it’s good to match them with the right activity,” Ms. Campiglia, 36, said as she watched a toddler class at Boulder Indoor Soccer in which Noah struggled to take direction from the coach between juice and potty breaks.
“I think it would prevent a lot of parental frustration,” she said.
-From the New York Times article, Born to Run?
Noah’s Arc – A Play in One Act
SCENE: LIGHTS COME UP on DONNA CAMPIGLIA, 36, and
NOAH CAMPIGLIA, 2 ½, on opposite ends of a orange leather
couch in the Denver Broncos-memorabilia laden office of
DOCTOR BROOKS T. WALKER, 42, sports psychologist.
DONNA leans forward, elbows on knees, anxiously rubbing her
temples with her respective index fingers. NOAH leans back, the
plush cushions almost absorbing his small frame. DOCTOR
WALKER alternatively nods thoughtfully and squeezes his
Broncos stress ball.
DONNA
You see, Doctor, this is exactly the problem; he doesn’t acknowledge the magnitude of the choices we’re making right now. Look at him just sitting there. You think Ronaldo or David Beckham just sat around watching Thomas the Tank Engine all day? I mean, I bring the whistle and the cones to the park everyday, rain or shine. Prajeet, at GNC, got us all the top-of-the-line child supplements. And Noah’s agent Shayla, is about to ink a Juicy Juice endorsement. But he just wants to sit on my lap all day like an invalid.
DOCTOR WALKER
I see, Donna. So you’re saying that you’re angry?
DONNA
Yes. I am very, very angry.
NOAH
Mommy, where Max?
DONNA
(Glaring at Noah) Maximus is not here, Noah! (Turning back to Doctor Walker) He’s talking about the dog. The fucking dog. It’s like, Noah’s here, but not really here. You know?
DOCTOR WALKER
Donna, I want you to tell Noah how it makes you feel when he doesn’t take his tremendous ability seriously.
DONNA
(Standing up, smoothing out her tracksuit bottoms with both hands, and looking down on Noah) Noah-
NOAH
Max in bic-yard?
DONNA
The damn dog is at home! We are at the therapist’s office! (She collapses back onto the couch) God! Why do I bother?
DOCTOR WALKER
Now, Donna, let’s stay on track here. Tell Noah how his selfishness makes you feel.
DONNA
(She takes a prolonged deep breath) Noah, honeybear, when Mommy gets up at five in the morning—before Pilates—and chalks the grass at Warren G. Harding Elementary, and then you just want to put woodchips in your mouth, it makes her really really upset.
DOCTOR WALKER
Donna, that’s good, but tell Noah about the physical manifestation of the feelings his cowardice brings up in you.
NOAH
Mommy, I have go pee-pee. I have-
DONNA
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Noah, Mommy’s about to have a breakthrough.
NOAH
Mommy? Pee-pee! (Noah’s expression abruptly turns sad)
DOCTOR WALKER
Now we’re getting somewhere. Go Donna. Run with it!
DONNA
Noah- (She begins to choke up) Honeybear, you…you have such a gift-
NOAH
Pee-pee!
DOCTOR WALKER
Noah, come on, pal. (Dropping the stress ball and raising his palm to Noah) Pull it together. We’re really making progress.
DONNA
(Through tears) When you squander your talent...it makes me burn…burn inside…want to burn to feel…want to press the hot curling iron onto my leg until I can smell the charred flesh. (She breaks down, sobbing into her hands)
DOCTOR WALKER
That’s it! Let it all out, Donna.
NOAH
Pee-pee!!!
DONNA
(Turning her entire body to Noah) You’re not my father! (Her lower lip quivers) I love you, honeybear.
DOCTOR WALKER
Yes!
NOAH
Mommy?!? (Looking down to his lap)
DONNA
(She leans forward to hug him, but retreats abruptly) Ew.
LIGHTS GO DOWN
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