Noah's Arc

BOULDER, Colo. — When Donna Campiglia learned recently that a genetic test might be able to determine which sports suit the talents of her 2 ½-year-old son, Noah, she instantly said, Where can I get it and how much does it cost?

“I could see how some people might think the test would pigeonhole your child into doing fewer sports or being exposed to fewer things, but I still think it’s good to match them with the right activity,” Ms. Campiglia, 36, said as she watched a toddler class at Boulder Indoor Soccer in which Noah struggled to take direction from the coach between juice and potty breaks.

“I think it would prevent a lot of parental frustration,” she said.
-From the New York Times article, Born to Run?

Noah’s Arc – A Play in One Act

SCENE: LIGHTS COME UP on DONNA CAMPIGLIA, 36, and
NOAH CAMPIGLIA, 2 ½, on opposite ends of a orange leather
couch in the Denver Broncos-memorabilia laden office of
DOCTOR BROOKS T. WALKER, 42, sports psychologist.
DONNA leans forward, elbows on knees, anxiously rubbing her
temples with her respective index fingers. NOAH leans back, the
plush cushions almost absorbing his small frame. DOCTOR
WALKER alternatively nods thoughtfully and squeezes his
Broncos stress ball.

DONNA
You see, Doctor, this is exactly the problem; he doesn’t acknowledge the magnitude of the choices we’re making right now. Look at him just sitting there. You think Ronaldo or David Beckham just sat around watching Thomas the Tank Engine all day? I mean, I bring the whistle and the cones to the park everyday, rain or shine. Prajeet, at GNC, got us all the top-of-the-line child supplements. And Noah’s agent Shayla, is about to ink a Juicy Juice endorsement. But he just wants to sit on my lap all day like an invalid.

DOCTOR WALKER
I see, Donna. So you’re saying that you’re angry?

DONNA
Yes. I am very, very angry.

NOAH
Mommy, where Max?

DONNA
(Glaring at Noah) Maximus is not here, Noah! (Turning back to Doctor Walker) He’s talking about the dog. The fucking dog. It’s like, Noah’s here, but not really here. You know?

DOCTOR WALKER
Donna, I want you to tell Noah how it makes you feel when he doesn’t take his tremendous ability seriously.

DONNA
(Standing up, smoothing out her tracksuit bottoms with both hands, and looking down on Noah) Noah-

NOAH
Max in bic-yard?

DONNA
The damn dog is at home! We are at the therapist’s office! (She collapses back onto the couch) God! Why do I bother?

DOCTOR WALKER
Now, Donna, let’s stay on track here. Tell Noah how his selfishness makes you feel.

DONNA
(She takes a prolonged deep breath) Noah, honeybear, when Mommy gets up at five in the morning—before Pilates—and chalks the grass at Warren G. Harding Elementary, and then you just want to put woodchips in your mouth, it makes her really really upset.

DOCTOR WALKER
Donna, that’s good, but tell Noah about the physical manifestation of the feelings his cowardice brings up in you.

NOAH
Mommy, I have go pee-pee. I have-

DONNA
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Noah, Mommy’s about to have a breakthrough.

NOAH
Mommy? Pee-pee! (Noah’s expression abruptly turns sad)

DOCTOR WALKER
Now we’re getting somewhere. Go Donna. Run with it!

DONNA
Noah- (She begins to choke up) Honeybear, you…you have such a gift-

NOAH
Pee-pee!

DOCTOR WALKER
Noah, come on, pal. (Dropping the stress ball and raising his palm to Noah) Pull it together. We’re really making progress.

DONNA
(Through tears) When you squander your talent...it makes me burn…burn inside…want to burn to feel…want to press the hot curling iron onto my leg until I can smell the charred flesh. (She breaks down, sobbing into her hands)

DOCTOR WALKER
That’s it! Let it all out, Donna.

NOAH
Pee-pee!!!

DONNA
(Turning her entire body to Noah) You’re not my father! (Her lower lip quivers) I love you, honeybear.

DOCTOR WALKER
Yes!

NOAH
Mommy?!? (Looking down to his lap)

DONNA
(She leans forward to hug him, but retreats abruptly) Ew.

LIGHTS GO DOWN